Jump in Where You Are!

No, haven't completely fallen by the wayside!

Busy, busy.

I recently read a very good book: The Guernsey Literary and Potato Peel Pie Society, by Mary Ann Shaffer and Annie Barrows, historical fiction consisting of "letters" talking about the experience of the occupation of Guernsey during WWII. A delightful book.

Today, I had a cup of tea out of a nice teacup. A couple of weeks ago, I waxed my legs. I go days at a time without even remembering this resolution. But then I remind myself that this wasn't a resolution designed to make me feel guilty. And this wasn't a resolution requiring me to update this blog regularly. It's a resolution about picking up where I am, and doing something nice for myself. That's right, I bought a new duvet cover and sheets for our bed (some nice deals at Overstock.com, btw). And I got a light fixture for the ceiling in my sewing room (hasn't been installed yet, but getting it is a step). Cool light fixture (overstock.com, again). I like it. It's not something I would put in the main areas of the house; too whimsical. But perfect for my sewing room.

I'm perfecting my pants pattern, and have made a couple of pair of pants that actually fit me. Such a novelty. Each pair is better than the prior one; I'm on number 3 right now. Just today, I took a few minutes to work on the pattern for the pocket.

Have been busy lately learning about something called SPD, or sensory processing disorder. It's something that has been around for a long time, but has only been given a name fairly recently. It can be caused by a couple of different things, but one is heredity, and I now see that it is pretty common in my family. It seems that I might be the only one in my family of origin who had sensory processing issues, but not to the level of sensory processing disorder; I now have three kids, who all have some pretty substantial sensory processing issues. It's weird to see stuff in my kids, read about it, see it in other family members, and see how it has impacted my life. (How does this fit into being nice to myself? Well, being more understanding with myself when I can't stand to hear another person talk--and am irritated by the sound of the refrigerator, the hum of the computer, the blink of florescent lights, etc., etc.)

It is spring! Jump in and enjoy it!
Bonny Joy

Fallen By The Wayside?

So. Another new year's resolution fallen by the wayside?

Yes and no. A couple of weeks ago I went to the library (by myself!) and spent an hour or so browsing at books. Last Sunday, I went out for dinner with some friends. On Monday I got braces.... (Not exactly a happy, feel-great thing to do, but it is something nice I did for myself.) Yesterday, I had a cup of tea with a friend (out of nice teacups!) and squeezed in a trip to the chiropractor.

I've been going to bed early, which is good and bad. Good in that I'm getting enough sleep, but bad in that I'm not getting time to spend by myself. (Still have remnants of that sinus infection I mentioned 3 weeks ago, so I've been trying to get extra rest.) I can't deny that there is also an element of depression (just go to sleep; not motivated to do anything else). Thinking about those questionnaires I've seen. "Are you no longer interested in activities you once enjoyed?" If so, maybe you should see your doctor....

Bonny Joy

Remiss, Remiss

Remiss, remiss, I have been remiss. Where has time gone? Today, my 2 yo came down with a fever; my 4 yo had one last week. I've been fighting a sinus infection for several weeks. Operating at less than 100%. Have frequently been going to sleep when I put the kids down, even if I don't have to. Not motivated enough to do anything else? Pretty sad.

I recently went in for my annual check-up and had a few tests done that I've been needing to have done. Not fun exciting things, but things that are ways to care for myself; to treat myself well. I suppose the next thing I should do is order replacements for my vitamins before I run out. Waiting until I run out before reordering is a way of not honoring myself and not taking care of myself. Getting a pap smear and ordering vitamins weren't really what I had in mind when I made this resolution.

Welcome to my first follower!

What nice things are you doing for yourself? Help give me ideas!
Bonny Joy

Needs Improvement

Hmm. More than a week has passed. Haven't been posting partly because I've been going to sleep when I put my 2yo down. Sleep has just been feeling more appealing than other options... Is it actual fatigue, or evidence of my mental state? It is actual fatigue. Really feeling worn down some days. And not very successful at finding those really exciting things to get my enthusiasm going. (I am aware, however, that actual fatigue does not preclude evidence on my mental state.)

On Saturday, I went to a dance/workout class for adults. I was the only one who showed up, but they are going to give it another week, so they did the class. Kinda fun, but a workout. And the dance routine required me to do more sequential thinking than I was in the mood for.

I've been working on de-cluttering the house, which does feel good. Not really what I had in mind when I came up with DSNFYT, though. I think the answer is that I need to work harder on doing nice things for myself.

How would you rate your efforts?
Bonny Joy

My Inner Perfectionist

I haven't written in a few days, but I have been doing some nice things for myself. A couple of days ago, I took a decadently long, hot detoxifying mustard bath. I can't remember the last time I had done that.... My back was a bit sore from all of the boxes I had been moving, but, excuse to do it or not, I did do it.

I'm going to mention FLY lady again (www.flylady.net). I've subscribed to her emails, and they really are encouraging. I've come up with a new meaning for "FLY": Finally LETTING Yourself. Finally LETTING myself have a clutter-free home. I've discovered the little voice inside my head that thinks there is something WRONG with someone who has a clean house. As in, they must be really uptight or something. Making peace with that part of me, and LETTING myself clean the house. Getting rid of the struggle. I've gone through three boxes (that have been sitting in the foyer) of random stuff that had been sitting on top of something, until they got tossed into a box when we were having people over. Random stuff that I didn't know what to do with.) In contrast with the past, I went through those boxes with fairly little angst. I just did it. I don't want this clutter laying around anymore. I've also done some work in the basement--unpacking several more boxes; organizing what is still in boxes. Put together some shelves (that have been disassembled since our move two years ago) and organizing overflow kitchen stuff on them. Last Friday for recycling, put out two huge bags of packing paper, along with a bunch of packing boxes and other boxes that we had been saving. Today, put out two huge bags of trash from the basement, along with two huge bags of broken toys from the backyard that I packed away some time ago, but hadn't gotten the bags out to the curb. So. This might not sound like "treating" myself, but it feels good.

FLYlady completely has my number about being a perfectionist. It's easier for me to see a bed unmade, then one imperfectly made. It's a struggle for me to get in touch with my inner perfectionist. After all, I'm not a perfectionist, my SISTER is a perfectionist. (Are you out there, Dawn? Are you going to refute my statement?) I realize that I feel some discomfort or embarrassment about my desire to have things ordered. Perhaps my DH is an odd choice in this area; on the one hand, he says he would like to have our house look like "Architectural Digest", but then won't hand up his coat or pick up his newspapers. And he sometimes jokes about my "Nazi" tendencies--I come up with an idea, I develop a plan, I work my plan. A joke, but also a jab. Makes me feel like there is something wrong with following through on what I set out to do. Like there is something wrong with being more comfortable when my spices are in alphabetical order. (Yeah, yeah, I can hear you snickering over the computer. One of those people.)

I'm struggling to accept that I am one of those people, and it is OK to be one of those people. (Is it? Is it really?) I'm feeling good about the work I've been doing. Today, I cleaned the clutter off the side of the porch (it had been there for almost two years), and swept the porch. I have given away to a new home (with full disclosure of defects) my old keyboard (with a loose connection to the power jack) and a glider (rocking chair) with a cracked base. Next week, I'm planning to send another chair out to a new home. Baby steps; baby steps; a little at a time. It was 1992 when I last went through ALL of my stuff. 16-1/2 years. OMG. But even after going through everything, my apartment still looked cluttered and crappy. Time for a change. Go through things, and GET RID OF THE CLUTTER. MOVE ON. Finally LET myself. Finally allow myself to have a tidy, comfortable, and inviting home. Stop feeling guilty about wanting things to be in order. Getting my psyche ordered enough that I am comfortable in a tidy home.... I've been working for years on the mental housecleaning; I think I am finally ready to do the physical housecleaning.

Is your psyche as cluttered as your home? Years ago (as I lived in a cluttered studio apartment), it occurred to me that I did not feel comfortable in a tidy environment. I realized one day that, if I was in a professional position where I needed to entertain in my home, I would need to have "public" parts and "private" parts; the public parts would be beautifully decorated and tidy; the private parts would be a cluttered mess. My cluttered psyche would not be comfortable is a tidy environment. I didn't love myself. I didn't think I deserved that much calm, beauty, serenity, whatever. So. It's been 16-1/2 years... (The initial sorting of all of my things was the result of a decision to finally get my home uncluttered.) That's a lot of time. But on the other hand, at least I am working on it. I've made a lot of progress (both internally and externally). This might be the year. It really might be. The foyer is tidy, the parlor is tidy, the master bedroom is tidy, the porch is tidy. I've made major progress in a lot of other areas. Feels good. I'm enjoying seeing empty spaces, not feeling uncomfortable with them (as I once was; I once caught myself thinking that a space looked odd without a pile of magazines in it).

I also looked into a class I've been wanting to take (on fitting pants), and see that it's being offered in a few months in a place within driving distance. I need to take it. It is something that I need to do for myself (and for my professional goals). Logistics are a challenge, but I've got to find a way to work it out. Also, found that a teacher that I have learned a lot from has a CD out that has more information than what was taught in the class; ordered the CD. Nice things for myself.

Bonny Joy

Pressing (Not Ironing)

Today I put a new cover on my ironing board. (I suppose that might not seem like a big deal to YOU...) I even threw the old torn one away. (I did consider getting it out of the trash--to use as a pattern at some point--when I realized that the new one didn't fit as well as the old one, but I restrained myself.) I've been needing a new ironing board cover for a while, but haven't been inclined to go out and buy one; I did some unpacking in the basement a couple of days ago and discovered I had a new one already. Another reminder of the importance of having things organized. Also, found all of my pressing equipment, which I have been missing. (To put this in context for the non-sewers out there: All this pressing equipment is not for "ironing", it is for pressing during construction.)

This evening, I watched a few brief sewing videos on the computer and did a little knitting. (I'm getting tired of this sweater I am working on. Partly because I haven't had time to work on it, so it has been dragging on.)

Putting the new ironing board cover on made me smile. How big will my smile be when my sewing room is organized and decorated?

What made you smile today?
Bonny Joy

Unpacking Boxes

Yesterday, I went to a "sew-in", sponsored by ASG (the American Sewing Guild). I don't (yet) know people very well, but it was nice to get some work done on a pattern for pants for myself.

Today, I unpacked some boxes in the basement. Might not sound like a lot of fun, but I had been wanting to do it. Still had boxes from our move over two years ago, and hadn't unpacked anything in a while. I was looking for something (which I didn't find), but it was good to make progress. I've been following FLYlady (www.flylady.net), and am really getting motivated to get things de-cluttered. The foyer is cleared out, the space behind the computer desk is cleared out, the space around my comfy chair is cleaned out. Making progress, and it is really feeling good. Right now, my back is feeling all of the lifting I've done today; I'm planning to take a nice bath after the kids are in bed. (And I just had tea with my kids, out of a nice teacup.)

Hope you had a pleasant Sunday.

Bonny

It's On My Mind

My computer is finally working OK. Inbox had finally frozen from all the messages clogging it up. Went through today and cleaned it up--deleted about 5,000 messages. (Running much better now....) Not exactly my idea of a good time, but it was being good to myself to finally do it. In the last two days I have also cleaned up the area in front of my computer, so I don't see a disorganized pile when I sit here. Again, not exactly my idea of a good time, but reduces my stress level. (Pretty good to have accomplished this, considering I've had a sick child home the last two days.)

As far as really doing nice things for myself, I have been using a nice tea cup on a reasonably regular basis--as in, it's on my radar as something to just do. Today, I listened to a CD that relaxes me. Even though I might not be doing that much, being nice to myself is on my mind, and that's what counts for this resolution.

Are you at least thinking about what you might want to do?
Bonny Joy

In the Zone

Today I did a fitting for the pants I drafted a week or two ago; disappointing. They didn't fit as well as I had hoped. (Major problems with the crotch curve.) I fixed the problems, but was bummed that there were problems to be fixed. This evening (after kids were in bed), sat down to transfer alterations to the pattern. Definately was in the zone: working, thinking, fully engaged. (The last time that has happened? Who knows...) Felt good. At first, when the initial draft didn't fit, I was discouraged, but by this evening I was brainstorming methods of modifying the drafting method to better account for the particular figure.

What puts you in the zone? What makes you not notice the passing time?

Bonny Joy

A Place of My Own

Yesterday I cut out a pair of comfy pants for myself; today I worked on assembling a cabinet for my sewing room. Getting my sewing room organized and decorated is high on my list of things to do for myself. It is the place of my own, where what I do doesn't keep getting undone. But that room is a mess, too. No one to blame but me. And perhaps not having cabinets to put things in, and not taking the time for myself to organize things. Other than that, Mrs. Lincoln....

Do you have a place of your own that nurtures your spirit? If you have a place, but it doesn't nurture your spirit, ask yourself why. Are you not putting a high enough priority on taking care of yourself? Are you waiting for the "perfect" cabinet that you hope to one day have the money for? Stop waiting for "perfect", and make it warm and welcoming now, with what you have. Personally, I'm moving an old dresser up there as soon as I can get my DH to help me carry it. Better to have a place to put things, than to wait for the perfect solution.

Bonny Joy

Just Getting to the Starting Line

Yesterday was one of those days where I worked really hard, but didn't end up with much to show for it. In my case, cleaning up a messy kitchen, folding and putting away a whole slew of clothes. Sure, things look better, but I feel like I'm just getting to the starting line, and I'm already tired of it. Yesterday evening, I was thinking: What nice thing have I done for myself today? "Nothing." What do I feel like doing now? "Nothing." Finally decided I wanted to listen to something related to flylady and getting the house clean. Listened to a bit, but then a barely-intelligible voice started saying "sleepy". Off to bed for my 2yo. And me, too. Really worn down by the day. Haven't meditated or done any sewing in a couple of days. I did put lotion on some dry skin, but that alone isn't enough. I need to do more.

This morning, we went to a family mosaic-making workshop. I was getting inspired to do something creative, while at the same time trying to keep track of the kids and having DH ask if I was done yet. A taste of creative flow, but interrupted. Yet again. Having a complete thought. Completing a project without interruption. Such a challenge.

I'm still wearing crappy clothes with mosaic-making residue on them; I think I'm going to put some clean and more attractive clothes on. Trying to keep a positive spin here...

Bonny Joy

Enjoying the Moment

Today I went to a birthday party for a 2-year-old. I actually had a really nice time, so that counted. I also put lotion on my dry skin this morning. Last night, while putting my 2-year-old to bed, I was laying down with her, and she fell asleep with her arm on me. It was so sweet. Rather than immediately getting up and doing stuff, I lingered in bed, enjoying the moment.

What moments are you not taking the time to enjoy?

Bonny Joy

Lunch With a Friend

I had my friend Hope over for lunch today; I so rarely take the time for something like that. Kids were involved (my 2yo and 4yo, and her 3yo), so we weren't exactly ladies lunching, but it was lovely. We even had tea out of nice teacups! This morning, I took the time to put body lotion on my dry and itchy skin. And I took the time to appreciate how sweet my young children are.

Who could you invite over for lunch?
Bonny Joy

Appreciation

I was trying to think of what nice thing I had done for myself today, then I realized that I had gotten my hair cut, and I had an orthodontia visit. Neither "this is what I want to do right now", but both things I am doing for myself. Appreciation. Appreciate what we are doing.

Bonny Joy

A Clean Faucet

Monday, Monday. Getting back to the routine.

As suggested by flylady.net, I cleaned my sink today. (After emptying it twice yesterday to clean, and getting distracted before I could get it cleaned.) Made more difference than I thought it would. In particular, cleaning and polishing the faucet and cleaning out the inside of the drain. The sink itself hadn't looked that bad, but the faucet really shined up nicely. It did make me feel nice every time I saw it. Takes way too much maintenance to keep the whole sink clean (dry and polished), though. I tried to read some more off flylady, but my computer was not cooperating.

I knit a little today, but distractedly. Sewed some last night (kids PJs) and meditated a little. Carried the stereo that we don't use downstairs up to my sewing room in anticipation of hooking it up there, so I have good quality music up there. Just thinking about a relaxing CD while I am sewing is making me smile.

What makes you smile?
Bonny Joy

The Down Side of Trying

So, I've been thinking about pattern making. (I have lots of thoughts about pattern making.) There is something that I have been wanting to figure out for a long time. I had kind of taken a break from it, but my recent pattern draft has me thinking again. I'm thinking and...I get interrupted. I get back to thinking and...I get interrupted. It makes me cranky. It's so much easier to take care of young kids if you're not trying to have coherent thoughts while you are doing it. (Perhaps I've purposefully waited until now to start thinking about this stuff again.)

Today I thought a bit about pattern drafting and did a little knitting. I checked out a web site that I'd heard about: www.flylady.net. She talks about getting your house clean in 15 minutes a day, and also about being nice to yourself. There's even a list of nice things to do for yourself; worth checking out!

Bonny Joy

Zen and Patternmaking

The Zen book that I ordered arrived today; I managed to read a couple of pages while eating lunch. I made a muslin for the pattern I drafted a couple of days ago. There's a pattern-drafting book that I've had for several years that I had never taken the time to look at that I looked at today (fun for me). I'm hoping to read more of the zen book tonight.

What are you doing that you like to do?
Bonny Joy

Music I used to like

Last night, I meditated a little. Today, I was cleaning out the front closet (part of my other resolution) and came across my collection of CDs (some dating back to the early days of CDs) that have been packed away since we moved 2 years ago. I listened to a couple that used to be favorites of mine. My taste in music has changed. Do I perceive sound differently now, or am I just in a different place in my life? Perhaps some of each. Also, I flipped through a catalog that caught my eye.

I'm paying attention to what I want to do, and that's what counts.
Good night.
Bonny Joy

Monkey Mind

Last night, I had tea out of a nice tea cup. I even managed to get my 2-year-old to use one of her own tea cups, which made the experience more relaxing.

Today I drafted a sewing pattern (something I had been wanting to do). It was odd though; this is something I enjoy doing, something part of something much bigger that I have been wanting to do. But once I started working on it (I hadn't touched this stuff in a couple of years), I started having doubts. Doubts that I really could do it very well; doubts I could be successful in the area I want to move. What makes me think that I can achieve what others have been unable to?

Even after that negative chatter (in spite of it), I later caught my creative mind working on solutions to the challenges.

Even things I want to do aren't all fun.
Bonny Joy

Snow (Ice) Day

My cleaning lady came yesterday. It's somewhat surprising to me that I don't feel too guilty about having someone come to clean my house. I think it's because I know I just wouldn't do it. Mopping floors, cleaning bathrooms, dusting. It just won't get done. Partly, I think, because I view CLEANING as something that is done after PICKING UP, and the picking up just never gets completed.

Anyway. The refrigerator needed to be cleaned. Let's just say it was well past needing to be cleaned. So much so, that I was thinking about doing it. I asked my cleaning lady how much she would charge to clean it out for me. $20 well spent! That was something nice I did for myself.

School is closed today because of ice and freezing rain. A "snow day", but not a day to go out and play. I knew I had a long day ahead of me. I turned on the TV and crawled back in bed. The kids cooperated for the most part (any time I drifted off, they woke me up), but it was a pleasant time. A nice thing to do for myself.

Contemplating the day. We'll probably bake something; maybe sing some songs; play some games. The boys have been wrestling; I'm trying to figure out some way to channel their physical energy.

Until next time,
Bonny Joy